


All I Ask

by buffylovezsupercat



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Metahumans (The Flash TV 2014), F/M, the flash au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffylovezsupercat/pseuds/buffylovezsupercat
Summary: This is a small Snowbarry AU. Even when Barry wasn't taken to Star Labs he still met Dr. Caitlin Snow who saved him. Things have changed drastically for them both in the months after Barry's brief coma and near death experience by a lightning strike. Barry and Caitlin talk on a park bench 1yr after the Particle Accelerator Explosion at the Memorial.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Caitlin Snow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	All I Ask

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an alternate universe where Harrison Wells wasn't usurped by Eobard Thawne. The Particle Accelerator was turned on, on December 11, 2013 like on E-1 but things went wrong and no metas were created. Eddie Thawne is still alive and engaged to Iris West.

It was December 11 and the lights and vibrancy of Star Labs on this of all days seemed out of place to Barry Allen. Even after being sat on his favorite park bench for hours staring at the building that had once brought him absolute joy and peace – it felt wrong. 

“You’ve been sitting here awhile, Barry. You know that you can go in. Your dad, Joe, Cisco, Iris and Eddie will be expecting you to make an appearance.”

His companion murmured softly as if afraid that they would frighten the young man. And without hesitation or turning to his companion he reached his gloved hand for her cold gloveless hand. An act which never failed to send a shiver through him, both by the shock of the temperature even through his winter glove and by they thrill of having her so close.

“I know, they’ll be waiting but I don’t want to go in. I don’t-,” taking a deep breath Barry tried to compose himself and will his eyes to hold onto the beginning traces of tears. “I’m scared, Cait.”

He hated himself for his reaction; he hated himself for his weakness but most of all he hated himself for ruining this night for the both of them. He swore he would be strong for the both of them. 

“Oh, Barry, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be scared of. Your family has forgiven everything that’s happened this past year. People make mistakes when they’re hurting and you were hurting the most for so long that it’s a testament on your sheer will and strength that you’ve made it so far after what happened last year. Even when all hope seemed lost in your life you’ve always clung to its last glimmer. It’s okay to be afraid but don’t let it keep you from them.” 

Turning to face her for the first time in hours he took her in and couldn’t stop the first tear from falling or the familiar tightening in his throat and chest. Trying his best to maintain his wavering composure Barry gave Caitlin Snow a watery smile as he tried to take in everything about her. 

His eyes roamed her face from those long wavy reddish-brown locks framing it, to her dark honey eyes that held a light all of its own, down to her nose, those lightly pink dusted cheeks and red stained plump lips. The cream colored coat she wore was undone, even on this frosty evening, allowing him to take in the beautiful navy blue dress she wore under it. And for the life of him, Barry couldn’t picture her in anything else, couldn’t remember every seeing her differently. 

He needed to ground himself so he could get the knot in his throat to decrease. He stared into those beautiful soulful eyes that never failed to make his soul feel lighter; freer, he reached his unused hand to her face cupping her cheek. He heard her small sigh before he felt her lean into his hand and his eyes caught the small upturn of her lips. His smile softened as more tears fell from his eyes and his thumb caressed her cold cheek. It took her eyes closing at his touch before he was able to find his voice again. 

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care about them, that it didn’t matter if they got angry and started thinking I’m flaking out or that I’ve become unreliable again, but I’m not scared about that this time. Right now I’m being selfish but for a good reason. I’m scared because if I go in there, step one foot onto Star Labs, then I loose you. And Caitlin, I don’t wanna loose you. I want to be selfish again and run away with you and leave everything behind and – ,” his breath stuttered “why do I have to let you go? Why can’t - .” 

Barry stopped, his words failing him, as everything hit him again and that small hold he had on his pain and sorrow finally snapped. 

Dropping his hand from her face he brought it down to the hand already gripped into his. Taking her small freezing hand in both of his gloved hands he brought it to his face as small sobs began to overtake him and he curled into himself as much as he could on that cold bench. And almost immediately he felt the fingers of her free hand run through his hair soothingly. 

For what seemed like an eternity all that Barry heard were his sniffles and broken breathing. If it wasn’t for Caitlin’s fingers running through his hair then he’d have thought he was alone, that he’d already lost her.

“Barry, you know that I could never truly leave you and that above all else you can never loose me. I’m a part you, Barry, from now until your heart stops beating, which will hopefully be a very long time from now. But you also know that I can’t stay. Not if you want to move on with your life. I could never forgive myself if, after everything, I was the one who held you back. 

“You’ve lost too much in your life to keep yourself anchored to someone like me who could never do more than keep you half living. And as someone who has lost almost as much as you I’m sure this is the only way. For god’s sakes, Barry, a year ago we didn’t even know each other and yet you almost died because of me.”

Lifting up his head Barry emphatically shook it from side to side. 

“The particle accelerator explosion wasn’t your fault, Cait; it was no more your fault than it was Cisco’s. It took me a long time to realize that; for me to stop blaming Star Labs and Harrison Wells. And it’s about time you stopped blaming yourself as well Dr. Snow, because you saved me. You’re right; I’ve been lost since my mother’s murder and my father’s wrongful incarceration. Joe taking me in and fostering me was a huge turning point in my life but I still felt like I wasn’t complete because of my dad. That and my obsession over Iris weren’t helping either. 

“Then the explosion happened and I was struck by the stray lightning from the accelerator and I went into a coma. After some months I woke up and you were there, Cait, you were the first thing I saw and I thought that everything in my life would finally be ok. But they weren’t because the minute you walked out that door things went to crap. Iris had gotten with Eddie, Joe’s relationship with Cecile had gotten strained cause of me and I found out that I lost a part of myself that night. And after my recovery I started pushing people away. I would’ve ended up alone if it hadn’t been for you and Cisco. You’ve been my rock these past months and I don’t want to loose that. Because I don’t trust myself, Cait, I don’t know if I could stay strong without you. You’re my heart, Cait.”

“And you got mine, Barry.” 

Staring into her bright tearful gaze Barry felt, more than saw, her free hand rest flat on his chest were he carried his surgical scar.

“Right here, inside, beating for you. I told you, you can’t get rid of me completely, Barry Allen.”

Barry couldn’t help but return the small smile she gave him.

“You keep telling me that I saved you, but really you saved me, Barry. That lightning strike might’ve killed your old heart but getting mine after my mother pulled the plug just gave you another chance. You had your whole life ahead of you, time for you to at some point realize what you were doing to your family and friends. But me, I died broken, Barry. Loosing Ronnie a year before the explosion, hurt me so much, and I pushed Cisco away when he tried to help me and my mom had been out of my life since my dad’s death that I didn’t even have to try with her. I threw myself into my work, just existing and that night when the particle accelerator was turned on, for those two and a half hours, I almost felt happy, I almost felt like the old Caitlin. Then the alarms turned on and being down in the pipeline securing the doors to protect Cisco from the blast, as I faced my death, did I really see what I had missed out on. Cisco and all my other co-workers had families and lives outside the lab and I didn’t. And even though I kept telling myself that it was ok, that I had seeked out that life, it still hurt, knowing I was alone.

“Then you woke up and you saw me there and you could talk to me and for the first time in a long while I didn’t want to be alone and sad and you gave me hope. These last 9 months with you have been the happiest I’ve had in some time. And that’s what I’m giving back to you Barry. Hope in a life with someone alive and breathing who you could share our heart with. Who can give you the same hope you gave me and make you happy.”

Barry knew that she wasn’t trying to hurt him that everything she said hurt her as much as it hurt him but he still sometimes hoped things had gone different in their lives before the explosion.

“I just wish we’d met before, when things could have ended up different and we’d end up together and I could see you everyday and talk to you in public without getting strange looks. Where I could introduce you to my dad and Joe, they’d really like you. And Iris would’ve liked another girl in the family. She says Cecile and her could only handle so much testosterone before their liver start giving out from the excess of alcohol it takes to tolerate us in a group. Where you, Cisco and I could hang out for lunch and after work for drinks; the three of us we’d be inseparable.”

“I used to think about some of those things, too. But you can’t live your life on what ifs. You have to let go Barry. You have to pull your courage, stand up, go to the memorial and let me go. If not for you then for me, because it would really hurt to see you regress. To see your potential wasted on a ghost. Can you promise me that, Barry, can you promise me that you’ll live for the both of us?”

He knew he couldn’t stall any longer. He wouldn’t be able to change her mind. He’d known for a while since he’d been trying for a few weeks now. He had hoped today would’ve been different but he should have realized that it wouldn’t have worked. And ultimately he knew she was right but it didn’t make it hurt any less. 

“I love you, Dr. Snow.”

“I love you too, Mr. Allen. For so long I didn’t think I would be capable of it again but you proved me wrong by thawing my heart. Thank you.”

“Could I kiss you? So I could have something else to remind me of you. In case I never really find real love again, at least I’d have something that was real once?” Barry really hoped that his last request didn’t really sound as pathetic to her like it to himself.

“You can’t set yourself up for failure before even starting, Barry. But call me selfish because I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for sometime now.” Caitlin answered sternly before her voice got softer and timid. She turned her face away from his looking down and away from his eyes as she bit her lower lip.

Barry smiled before he removed one of his hands from hers and cupped her face again before leaning in and pressing a soft gentle kiss full of promise and love onto her cold lips. He attempted to memorize the feel of her lips on his. As a man of science he knew it shouldn’t be possible to touch her or kiss her since she wasn’t really there in body but he was grateful to whatever power gave him the chance to do so. He felt their heart beating rapidly in his chest and wondered if it was beating twice as fast because of their combined excitement.

Caitlin pulled away first and Barry wanted to pull her back and wrap his arms around her and kiss her deeper but he knew that no matter what he couldn’t keep stalling. He stood up and pulled her along with him and together they made their way through the empty park with the Star Labs building getting closer. 

Neither Barry, nor Caitlin uttered another word to one another because even if this was goodbye and they knew that they had to let go they didn’t want to say the words because as long as the heart in Barry’s chest kept beating they would always be together. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise for the turn this took. I was heavily influenced by Adele's song All I ask and the plot of the Movie "Last Christmas." My brain couldn't stop bugging me to write this down. You can find some of the lyrics to the song interwoven in certain parts so if you want the experience listen while reading.
> 
> Also be warned that this hasn't been beta'd or properly checked. So there might be quite a few spelling and grammatical errors. So I apologize.


End file.
